Daily Cartoon! TOXIC CRUSADERS Ep.9: “Invasion of the Biddy Snatchers”

Welcome to the Thursday edition of the Daily Cartoon on Car JoeMez! Before we get started, here’s your daily reminder to check out the weekly shoe, The Car JoeMez Podcast, on iTunesSoundcloud or wherever you get your podcasts. This week’s episode features Gomez and I discussing the music of our adolescence as well as completely shitting on the list of top fast food items put out by The Ringer. It’s probably one of my favorite episodes that we’ve done so, please, go give it a listen, leave a review, subscribe and share it with friends. Everything is better with friends.

Today’s show is Toxic Crusaders! I remember having seen this as a kid, but don’t remember it sticking around all that long. I kind of remember enjoying it, but it wasn’t even close to something I was all about. I’d remember it a lot better if I did. Apparently, it did reach some level of popularity as they were a bunch of licensed items from comic books, a board game, a toy line and even a video game for NES, GameBoy and Genesis. I don’t ever remember this being THAT popular to necessitate all of that.

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Looking at the toys, there’s a lot to similarities to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles line. Which shouldn’t come as much of a surprise as both lines were made by Playmates around the same time. maxresdefault

I’m going to go out on a limb and assume the game is awful. I’m going to go out on an even further limb and say I’ll probably try hunting it down on eBay over the weekend.

The reason all this merchandising surprises me is that the series only produced 13 episodes and I genuinely don’t remember it being a big thing in the school yards as a kid seeing as how I was only 9-10 years old when this was aired. Maybe people just expected it to take off like another TMNT or something. I don’t know. Either way, I’m kind of excited to check this out and see if anything jogs my memory.

Quick little background on this: the main focus is Toxie, the ugly green sludge monster we see on the video games and in the center of anything promoting this who has superpowers and is a really nice guy under his horribly disfigured appearance. Toxie and friends do battle with the evil villains from the planet Smogula who want to do irreparable harm to the environment. Hmmm…maybe we should get Toxie to have a talk with that new president guy.

OK, so horribly disfigured mutants. Villains from the planet Smogula. Save the environment. Got it.

Let’s watch a cartoon.

Toxic Crusaders E.9: “Invasion of the Biddy Snatchers”

Originally Aired: April 27, 1991

Plot:

We open with the Toxic Crusaders playing football in what appears to be the dump when Toxie’s Tromatons start tingling. Tromatons are basically this dude’s Spidey-Sense so that means evil must be near. At this point, a small sack drops onto his head where a small insect is nestled on the inside.

Cut to the planet of Smogula, where Czar Zosta, the head bad guy is demoting Dr. Killemoff (think Krang/Shredder type of relationship here) because of his inability to rid them of the Toxic Crusaders. In his place will be General GarBage who is this termite-looking motherfucker who grows to be a giant bug wearing traditional military garb. In the smaller state, he also looks exactly like the bug that just fell on Toxie’s head.

General GarBage explains his master plan to Dr. Killemoff and it…is…a…doozy. He’s going to drop a shit ton of tiny bugs all over the town of Tromaville, New Jersey (home to the Toxic Avengers) where they will bite little old ladies and become perfect clones of them, albeit with four arms. He thinks that nobody will suspect his old lady clones and he’ll easily be able to infiltrate the town and take it over for good.

As far as evil plans go for some of the shows we’ve been watching lately, this one is actually pretty solid.

The clones lock up all the original old biddies somewhere nobody would ever think to look: Tromaville City Hall while they start driving the residents out-of-town due to their nonstop nagging and complaining. This makes the town ripe for a Smogula invasion. Toxie, meanwhile, gets a super-duper Tromaton alert when someone mentions his Mom and he heads out to figure out what could be wrong.

Unfortunately for Toxie, he’s met by his imposter Mom on the way to her house where she informs him that him and the rest of the Toxic Crusaders are being deported to Siberia because they’re too ugly to live in Tromaville. Normally, I’d say we shouldn’t discriminate against those less good-looking, but, real talk: Tromaville is in New Jersey so c’mon, there’s really not a lot to work with there and people REALLY have no right to judge. Toxie heads to the dump to inform the rest of the Crusaders.

Dr. Killemoff, in lieu of being excited about the plan working, is up and arms. He’s desperate for General GarBage to fail so he can get his top spot back. Fuck, the politics that exist even when being a bad guy from Smogula aren’t much different from that of being an American senator.

The Crusaders board a ship bound for Siberia, but are surprised when it’s only a 10 minute trip. When they debark, they’re met by Dr. Killemoff who informs these idiots that they’re in Island City and not Siberia, but that he’ll also make a deal: defeat General GarBage’s clones and they can return to Tromaville. The Crusaders, obviously, are thrilled. In the immortal words of Bon Jovi, who says you can’t go home?

When the Crusaders return to Tromaville, they’re ambushed by the clone biddies. They refuse to fight back because – even though they’re imposters – they still don’t feel comfortable hitting old women. This is rectified by the real old biddies showing up en masse after a group jailbreak and laying out the fakers. They hit their finishing move of hitting them in the face with hair spray which transforms the clones back into the insects they began as.

General GarBage launches an attack with a bunch of Smogulan troops who are handled with ease by the Toxic Crusaders. Toxie even grabs a can of hairspray and hits General GarBage with a big spritz which shrinks him down to a tiny general. The bad guys retreat and Tromaville is once again saved by its lovable group of mutant superheroes.

Final Thoughts:

This show is terrific! It’s completely in on the joke with how ridiculous the premise is and makes no secret of hiding it. It’s fun, it’s witty, it’s an all-around good time.

Seriously, go out of your way and track this down to give it a watch. It’s streaming on Amazon Prime right now which is how I watched, but there’s also a DVD collection out there. With only 13 episodes, it’s not even a real commitment so it’s perfect to knock out over a slow weekend.

Seriously had a good time with this show and glad I saw it sitting there on Amazon. Go watch and get back at me with your thoughts.

See you tomorrow.

❤ Joe

Daily Cartoon! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles S.3,E.8: “The Fifth Turtle”

OK, I know, I basically took a month off. I needed to. This show was just getting to me and I’m not someone who can deal with being force-fed shit. But I have time and am sitting in a hotel with nothing to do so I’m gonna give this another whirl. It’s been long enough.

I’ve watched a lot of other things in between which I probably should have reviewed for the hell of it, but I didn’t because I suck.

But I will be better with getting content up here. Maybe not everyday, but more than there has been recently. Promise.

S.3, E.8: “The Fifth Turtle”. Original Air Date: October 30th, 1989

Plot:

It’s been a while, so once again, I pop huge for the intro theme. It seriously does such a good job of getting you excited to be watching this show. The energy, the colors, the characters. All, just terrific.

We begin in the lair late at night where the Turtles have the munchies. They’re also all out of shredded mozzarella and send Donatello and Raphael to go to the all-night market so they can make pizza. Because god forbid any of them have a fucking sandwich or some pretzel rods or something.

They two get their groceries and decide to take a shortcut through an alley where they’re encountered by a gang of toughs. As they get ready to throw down, a kid in a TMNT Halloween costume jumps in front of them and threatens the thugs declaring himself as Zach another of the superhero Turtles. We all see where this going. The kid basically falls on his dumb face immediately, but Raph and Donnie take care of business with ease. The two real Turtles then tell Zach that he’s not a Turtle and he could have gotten hurt which causes the little guy to run away upset that his heroes wouldn’t appreciate his efforts. On the way out, though, he picks up Raph’s TurtleCom which was lost during the kerfuffle and states that he’ll show them that he can be just as tubular or some shit. I don’t know. I already disdain this kid.

Cut to the Technodrome where Krang is providing an astronomy lesson for Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady. There’s some kind of planetary alignment coming tomorrow night that – with the use of Krang’s new weapon and some strategically placed crystals – will finally raise the Technodrome back to the surface.

We head to Channel 6 News where April O’Neil is getting a hot tip that there’s been a break-in at a lab and Bebop and Rocksteady have been spotted. She hits up the TMNT on the TurtleCom to let them know, but Zach also gets the message on his newly found device and is hyped to join in on the action.

Shredder is leading a robbery at the lab to steal the crystals Krang needs, but the Turtles interrupt and have him dead to rights until fuckboi Zach comes rolling in on his bicycle and ruins everything. The tables have now turned and Shredder has the advantage. Zach has a close call with death, but is saved at the last second by Raphael. Shredder and his mutants are able to use the distraction to escape with the crystals and keep their plans in tact for the raising of the Technodrome, but not before Rocksteady blabs the whole plan to April on their way out.

Zach is able to track the Turtles back to their lair using his junior detective kit that looks like something you’d order from the back of a comic in the 80s. Splinter is actually impressed that Zach has done what others have been unable to do and find the lair. The Turtles give him a quick tour and offer him some pizza because, hey, they’ve got time to kill before squashing Shredder and Krang’s evil plan, right? Everybody needs to take a blow here and there. Splinter then advises Zach not to interfere going forward because nobody wants to see him get hurt.

Shredder decides to use Zach’s enthusiasm for his benefit and calls the police to report that he found a bicycle and would like to return it. He gives the cops a license plate number and the police are more than happy to give him Zach’s address thinking that he’s a good Samaritan and not at all a child rapist.

Let’s take a moment. The cops just tell Shredder the address like it ain’t no thang. What in the glorious fuck?! Like, in the 80s, weren’t we all terrified of people snatching children from everywhere?! Pay close attention to your kids in the supermarket, folks! Or else people will grab them and you’ll never see them ever again! That shit was real! “America’s Most Wanted” was basically created for just that type of shit! And here’s the NYPD just GIVING Shredder a local boy’s address because he happened to have the license plate number of the kid’s bicycle. (And don’t get me started on just how ludicrous it is for bicycles to have a license plate. Come the fuck on.) But yeah. Who just gives out this kind of information?! Now I hope Bebop eats this fucking kid and the NYPD all get fired for providing a known villain with his home address without even asking who was calling or anything.

OK, I’m back from that tangent. That was intense, eh? Fine, let’s see what else happens.

Bebop and Rocksteady go to Zach’s house, but are pretty loud about it and Zach is able to hide to avoid getting taken. Bebop says it doesn’t matter if they find the kid because once they get the crystals set up, the Turtles won’t be able to stop them from raising the Technodrome. Zach hears this, of course, and – even though he promised Splinter he wouldn’t get involved, decides that the Turtles are his friends and Turtles stick together. OK, sure, kid.

Back at the lair, Donatello uses science to figure out that Shredder plans to use the Planetarium to put the plan into use. Because, of course. Zach heads there and just knows Donatello will figure out the whole thing about the Planetarium because he’s so smart, but he’ll just hang outside so he can warn the TMNT. Why this asshole kid is talking to himself in the middle of the night when he knows bad guys are all around is beyond me. What a fucking mark.

Of course, Rocksteady pops out from behind the bushes and captures Zach so they’ll be no warning the Turtles.

The Turtles hit the Planetarium and basically give up once Shredder brandishes the captured kid. So now all five of these guys are tied up and there’s no way they’ll be able to foil Krang’s evil plans this time around.But SUHPRISE! The crystals are reactive to sound and fuckboi Zach knows just the thing!

He asks for Donatello’s TurtleCom and is able to shift just enough to plug his headphones into the jack that never existed in any episode prior to this which creates the world’s most annoying sound. Everybody within earshot is fucking pissed, but the noise forces the crystals to explode and the Technodrome can no longer be raised. A piece of the crystal lands near Leonardo’s foot and he’s able to kick it up so they can free themselves and attack the baddies.

That Shredder is crafty, however, and drops a smoke bomb so he and the mutants can escape to fight another day. Shredder really is horrible at this whole bad guy thing.

The Turtles and Splinter thank Zach for his help and give him a TurtleCom as a gift as well as declaring him an honorary Turtle. Hooray.

Final Thoughts:

I don’t even know. So Zach is 13 and the only family shown is an older brother who is maybe 16. There’s no parental supervision and the kid is able to just walk right out of the house at all hours of the night and ride his bike like it’s nothing even thought New York City is depicted as being this awful, crime-infested hell hole.

Zach would be 41 years-old now and I hope to fucking hell that he’s a much more attentive parent to his kids than his parents were to him. That’s if he’s still alive and didn’t get himself killed by another bumbling evil-doer. That’s a story I’d like to see April O’Neil report on live from the scene.

This show has about as much depth as the kiddie pool at Munchkin Land. It also makes me absolutely terrified to re-watch He-Man since that was and is my jam and I don’t want it to ever be ruined for me.

Jeez. What’s a boy to do? Maybe I just need a new show. This was episode 26 overall of this show and that seems to be about the time I gave up on M.A.S.K. I don’t know. We’ll think of something.

Until then, remember to listen to the latest episode of the Car JoeMez Podcast, subscribe and leave a review. Also, feel free to go back and listen to all the older episodes as well!

❤ Joe

 

Daily Cartoon! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles S.3,E.7: “Burne’s Blues”

Welcome to a Sunday edition of TMNT! I actually hit the entire weekend! Go me. Yesterday, we were privy to Shredder and Splinter having their minds swapped because of some infernal machine. By the title alone today, it seems we’re going to get some kind of focus on Burne Thompson, April’s boss and the head of Channel 6.

I’m looking forward to this. We have to get the focus away from just the Turtles and Shredder even if only for a day. There’s only so many machines Krang can want stolen from the surface to be able to bring the Technodrome out from the center of the Earth. So, hopefully, this will be a nice change of pace.

And, with that…

S.3, E.7: “Burne’s Blues”. Original Air Date: 10/27/1989

Plot:

April does a story for Channel 6 news about the Turtles foiling a robbery at an area restaurant. She’s proud of her work, but her boss, Burne Thompson, feels she didn’t do enough. Specifically, that there was no footage of the Turtles themselves. April says that the TMNT asked her not to include footage of them, but Burne says that’s hogwash and that in his day reporters would stop at nothing to get the most important news. Vernon Fenwick, April’s producer, says that Burne’s right and that if he weren’t so old and out of shape, he’d get a real story on the Turtles. Burne takes this a challenge and heads out to do just that.

Meanwhile, April’s investigating an air conditioning repair company since it’s 112 degrees in NYC and every business, home and building that has been serviced by “S&K Repairs” still has faulty units. To make matters even crazier, while it’s hot, hot, hot on the surface, in the sewers it’s cold, cold, cold as there’s even an unexplainable sheet of ice coating the floors of the Turtles lair.

April tracks down the S&K truck and is immediately captured by Bebop who is disguised in a repair man uniform. She’s tied up and brought inside the truck while Shredder FaceTimes with Krang about all the Freon he’s been stealing from the city that they can use to power the Technodrome. Krang says Freon is bollocks and wants him to rob a factory that produces Nutri-Freeze which is 10x more powerful than Freon.

Cut back to Burne and Vernon who have been captured by some mobsters for asking where to find the Turtles.This all seems to be a misunderstanding, however, as there’s a mob boss in town named Don Turtelli – The Turtle. It’s pretty fucking stupid since there’s been stories all over the fucking news for months about four genuine turtles running around NYC stopping crime and palling around. Uhg.

Shredder, his mutants and a group of Foot Soldiers are at the Nutri-Freeze plant and are loading the truck when the TMNT crash the party. After dismissing the Foot Soldiers with ease, Bebop and Rocksteady charge at them with cylinders of Nutri-Freeze while Shredder has a conniption. Leonardo hits them both with a monkey flip and renders them disabled, but Rocksteady’s horn pierces one of the cylinders and freezes a nearby Michelangelo in solid ice. April is heard screaming from the truck, but as the Turtles get near, it turns out to be a trap. Shredder jumps from the van with a cylinder strapped to his back and a vacuum tube used as a gun to spray the other three Turtles in the freeze-gas. He then delivers a line that would have made Arnold Schwarzenegger jealous in Batman & Robin:

“As Michelangelo would say, chill out, dudes.”

Stupendous.

OK, so there’s this running gag going on with Burne and Vern where they have their feet tickled with a feather by mobsters to try to find out what they know. In truth, they know nothing, they were just snooping around in the wrong place. Once the mobsters are satisfied that these two are worthless, they dump them out in an industrial part of town that just so happens to be right where the Nutri-Freeze factory is. Burne is hyped because he’s gonna find the truth about those Turtles when – and I am not kidding when I say this – they are abducted by alien Elvis-es and taken to space where they have their feet tickled with a feather to try to get them to talk.

What this has to do with fucking anything, I have no idea, but it is 100% fucking retarded and I now I’m mad.

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Um…what else? The Turtles track down Shredder, save April and the Nutri-Freeze is blown up underground after those Drill-Trains the bad guys have crash in the sewers.

Burne goes on the air raving like a madman about the Elvis aliens and everybody has pizza.

Final Thoughts:

So, I wasn’t hating this episode by any means. It wasn’t the Burne-centric story I was hoping for, but it wasn’t bad. Burne and Vern get mixed up with the mob…OK, I’m still with it. But then aliens come and abduct the two and they turn out to be Elvises and honestly, this show can go fuck itself.

Zero reason. Zero purpose. Zero entertainment. Fuck you, TMNT. Fuck you so hard. After that, who cares about the rest of the episode? Goddamn, fuck this show. I can’t believe someone put this in. What gets me is that I probably thought this was hilarious as a kid. I don’t know. I definitely don’t remember this episode and that’s a good thing. As an adult I’m hoping to forget it as soon as humanly possible.

Until tomorrow, folks.

❤ Joe

Daily Cartoon! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles S.3,E.6: “The Old Switcheroo”

Yeah, I know. I got flustered yesterday. Lost my cool. But I challenge any one of you to watch yesterday’s episode and feel different. It was absolute garbage. At some point, if you feed a guy shit, he’s gonna call you out on it.

When I write these blogs, I do it literally as I’m watching the episode. It’s not a recap that I do afterwards. So you’re getting my thoughts concerning what’s happening – for better or worse – in real-time for the most part. And one thing I’ve never been able to do is pretend I like something when I know it’s shit. This show is starting to grate on me like Quint’s nails on a chalkboard. It’s not on M.A.S.K. level quite yet simply because there’s at least a purpose and a backstory to the purpose here whereas there was zero history in the other show. But something needs to change before I take my talents to a new show. I’m not going to force myself to sit through shit that is whack.

For now, however, we continue to watch this.

S.3, E.6: “The Old Switcheroo”. Original Air Date: 10/26/1989

Plot:

April gets a tip that some suspicious activity is happening at CyberTech Labs and goes to check it out. When she arrives, she finds Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady doing bad guy stuff so she calls the Turtles. April is hiding in the rafters…like Sting…but makes too much noise and is discovered by Shredder. Just as she’s about to be captured, the Turtles and Splinter come busting through the door.

Our first battle of the day ensues and this one is a bit more even than normally. OK, I’m on board. Let’s see where this goes. During the brouhaha, both Splinter and Shredder get thrown on to opposite platforms of some giant machine. A rogue laser activates said machine and both leaders are hit with some type of radiation. Bebop and Rocksteady grab Shredder and head out of Dodge, while the Turtles attend to Splinter.

As both chiefs are coming to, each realizes that their minds have been transferred into the other’s body. Whooooooooooooaaaaaaaa!

Both Shredder and Splinter realize that this is their chance to infiltrate each other’s base and take it down from the inside. They raise the suspicions of those around them, but – for the most part – the Turtles and Krang just attribute it to the knock they took during the fight.

The Turtles do begin to question Splinter during a training exercise where he fights more like Shredder. Krang then demands Shredder take a brain scan since he’s asking too many questions about science. Splinter is able to use his meditation to control his brain waves to match Shredder’s and ease Krang’s worries and then takes Bebop and Rocksteady back to the surface to get another device Krang needs to mobilize the Technodrome.

April swings by the sewer to check on Splinter, but an angry Splinter kicks her out because she’s distracting the Turtles. She turns to leave, but the Turtles leave with her because they understand now that Splinter is pulling a Bobby Hill and just ain’t right.

As they arrive on the surface, so too does “Shredder” and his mutants. The TMNT disable the mutants quickly and then set their sights on Tin Grin (which is my face insult they use on Shredder), but the Splinter inside him is able to convince them of who he really is and, together, they come up with a plan to take down the real Shredder.

The Turtles return home to an irate “Splinter” who verbally castrates them for leaving without finishing their chores, but they calm him down by saying they’ve located Shredder and can nail him for good. Splinter’s inner Shredder voice is excited that this is working out even better than he hoped for and still believes he’s not being suspected.

Splinter – in Shredder’s body still – returns to CyberTech Labs to try to set a trap for Shredder so they can reverse the mind-transfer. The Turtles arrive with “Splinter” and – although they know the deal with the switched-personas, Bebop and Rocksteady do not. During the heat of battle, Bebop charges at what he thinks is Splinter and battering rams the fuck out of him leaving his prone body one of the mind-transfer devices platforms. The real Splinter, seizing the opportunity, runs to the other platform and gives the signal to Donatello to activate the machine. The machine, however, is still damaged from last time and time is running short as Shredder – in Splinter’s body is about to come to. Rocksteady shoots his laser at Donatello who dodges it. It hits the control unit and activates the device causing another mind-reversal. Both Shredder and Splinter are prone on the floor, but the shot has caused the machine to short-circuit. The entire thing is about to blow and the TMNT take the chance that the reversal worked and rescue the body of Splinter before escaping the building.

When Splinter comes to, he has reverted to his body and everybody celebrates by having pizza.

Final Thoughts:

Well, not exactly a new and innovative episode, but at least the wrinkle of Shredder and Splinter changing bodies made it somewhat interesting. Thankfully, today’s episode was light years ahead of yesterday’s. Thankfully. Mercifully.

That being said it was still “unfortunate weapon that needs reverse polarity to alleviate the unintended effects” which I probably should have kept a score for how many episodes have the same premise.

I haven’t seen any of the current edition of TMNT and maybe I should to see what kind of writing and storytelling go on. I’m not a fan of the current wave of CGI animation that seems to be prevalent in all current cartoons, but maybe I should check it out just for comparison’s sake.

All in all, though, a thankful improvement over yesterday and something I’m not hating myself over watching.

Thanks to all those reading. See you tomorrow.

❤ Joe

 

Daily Cartoon! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles S.3,E5: “Sky Turtles”

Welcome back to another edition of daily TMNT. Still waiting on that hot storyline to pickup some steam. Still waiting to see what happened to Baxter. The world may never know. So why waste time? On with the cartoon!

S.3, E.5: “Sky Turtles”. Original Air Date: 10/25/1989

Plot:

Shredder’s new weapon of the day is a gravity-control device. But of course. So that’s how him and Krang are planning to take over the city. They set the device on almost high power and people all over the city begin floating around like astronauts. This is absurd.

Shredder sees on his surveillance screen that it’s working great and – despite Krang’s objections – pushes it to full power. The device overloads and everybody is dropped. The Turtles and Splinter are convinced Shredder is behind it. Shredder begins to make some fixes to the machine and adds alterations so he can do some REAL damage!

The machine is altered to be hyper-gravity and pulls everything tight to the ground including people, places and things. Shredder sends Bebop, Rocksteady and some Foot Soldiers to the surface equipped with anti-gravity boots to take over the place. Yep.

Rocksteady comes upon the Turtles in their turned-over van, but when he steps into it, the Turtles act quickly, trip him up and steal his boots. They’re able to throw them on to Michelangelo’s feet and send him out to beat up the Foot Soldiers and take their boots as well.They decide they need to get above the hyper gravity force and go to get the Blimp. Because it’s not already off the ground or anything. I’m dying.

Shredder gets the SOS call from Bebop and Rocksteady that they Turtles took their boots so he heads to the surface to take care of them himself. He sees the Turtle Blimp and reverses the gravitational pull to have all sorts of shit start flying into the air to make flying difficult. This shit is bananas. Everything from cars to buildings are being sucked into the air. I can’t wait to see what the city looks like in the next episode.

I don’t even know what happened here. The Turtles take the satellite dish off the Channel 6 building and do something to save the day. Until Krang jacks up the power even more until the gravity device fucking explodes and everything crashes back to the Earth. We see only Bebop and Rocksteady fall from the sky, but I’d imagine thousands if not hundreds of thousands of people are now dead because of this. I fully expect the next episode to be a memorial to the tragic destruction and senseless murdering of basically all inhabitants of New York.

Final Thoughts:

Just fucking kill me. Kill me like one of the people who died in this show. This was fucking hot garbage.

That’s it. I hate myself for sitting through this episode. I’m gonna go watch hockey.

❤ Joe

Daily Cartoon! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles S.3,E.4: “The Maltese Hamster”

Welcome to another possibly not-so-exciting edition of TMNT. We are coming off possibly the worst episode of the show thus far and are stuck in cartoon-formulaic-episode hell. Shredder and Krang spend their time trying to steal the new weapon of the day that will allow them to escape the center of the Earth, but meanwhile they have these train-looking cars that drill up to the surface in minutes and then back down to the center of Earth when it’s time to go home, so getting back to the surface really doesn’t seem like a huge issue to me.

And they will drill fucking anywhere. They’ve come up in basements, alleys…wherever it is that is convenient. But when they drill back down, all of a sudden, the new hole they make floods with hot lava and then seals the hole so the Turtles are unable to follow. But of course.

So much of this show has become maddening. Everyday I keep hoping for something fun or new and come away disappointed. I’m trying to enjoy this show, but they’re not making it easy on me.

S.3, E.4: “The Maltese Hamster”. Original Air Date: 10/24/1989

Plot:

Donatello is narrating the opening of the episode as a kind of old-school private detective. The Turtles are all dressed up in their trench coats to stay incognito while they check out a wave of bank robberies that are being carried out by your everyday mobsters, but with some heavy-duty weapons that had to have been supplied by Shredder.

While walking and talking with April, they pass an old antique shop with a statue of a hamster in the window that April falls in love with and must have. She buys the statue and Michelangelo tries haggling for an antique pizza maker, but the shop owner won’t budge on the price. He’s a quarter short. April has her statue delivered to her house while she goes back to work and the Turtles still walk around theorizing the robberies.

Michelangelo finds a quarter and runs back to the antique shop to get his pizza maker and finds two mobsters shooting up the place. They’re looking for the hamster statue April just bought and aren’t happy to hear that the shopkeeper no longer has it. Michelangelo tries putting a stop to the situation, but “The Butcher” (like the head of crime family) uses a special ray gun that ropes Mikey and holds him captive. They deduce that the rest of the Turtles must be nearby and head to the streets to trap the rest of them.

The remaining three get sick of waiting for Mikey and head back to the shop to get him only to find out he’s been kidnapped. They split up to look for him and Raphael finds the limo he’s being held in, but meets the same fate and is captured as well. Leo and Donatello meet back up and realize Raphael is now gone too so they run to the sewers to get help from Splinter.

The two remaining Turtles and Splinter head back to the antique district after figuring out that the mobsters must be looking for something that they should probably hope to find first. As they come out of the sewers, they find the wiseguys pillaging another antique shop. Splinter quickly realizes that they are no match for the weapons these guys have and tries to run, but him and Leonardo are captured. He implores Donatello to run and he does, but the thugs shoot at a building and cause Donatello to be trapped and covered in rubble.

He does dig himself out and decides the only place he can go is Channel 6 to find April. He lays out the story to April and thinks that the only place they could be is The Meat Rack which is The Butcher’s hideout masquerading as a bar. The mobsters are shown FaceTiming with Shredder. Shredder has apparently contracted these guys to track down the hamster statue for him and supplied him with a fuck ton of powerful weapons to do so.

April and Donatello are able to sneak into the backroom at the Meat Rack and confirm Shredder’s involvement, but get noticed. They’re able to get away and get to April’s place for a hot second when there’s a knock at the door. Her hamster statue is being delivered and Donatello quickly comes up with a plan.

Donatello finds out that there’s a recipe for a superfuel written on the inside of hamster and Shredder wants it to power his Technodrome to return it to the surface. He arranges a meet and trade with the mobsters for midnight at the docks.

Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady meet up there and Donatello hands over the statue in return for setting the rest of the Turtles free. Shredder, though, pulls the oop-de-oop and wants them destroyed, but Donatello planned for that. April was in sniper position and uses a ray gun to melt the statue in Shredder’s hands. Shredder flips and blames the mob because the Turtles don’t have weapons like that. While the two groups of bad guys argue, Donatello frees his friends. Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady escape, but the Turtles take solace in being able to capture the mobsters and hand them over to the police.

Final Thoughts:

At least this was a little different! Sure, Shredder was still behind it all, but he was used very little in this episode and it was a welcome reprieve. The Donatello narration can get a bit annoying, but I was still happy to have it just to get out of the monotony that this show has become. I don’t think this is going to go down as a great episode by any means, but at least it left me with a better taste in my mouth than the last few.

Thanks for reading and continually coming back to follow these. See you tomorrow.

❤ Joe

 

Daily Cartoon! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles S.3,E.3: “Attack of the 50 Foot Irma”

Another day, another episode of TMNT. Pretty decent show yesterday. Nothing much to say to lead-in today.

Let’s watch a cartoon.

S.3, E.3: “Attack of the 50-Foot Irma”. Original Air Date: 10/23/1989

Plot:

It’s Irma’s birthday and the Turtles are hosting a party for her. They hit up April to discuss the menu, but she’s filming a story at the planetarium because a meteor crashed last night and the Professor wants to show it off on the news. As the interview with April begins, a gas is leaked into the room and knocks out everybody allowing Shredder to capture the meteorite while the cameras are still rolling.

Krang crystalizes the meteorite because whatever it’s made from has the power to enlarge things. They test it on Shredder and it works just as Krang designed, but it was only a dry-run. Now Krang wants to head to the surface to really get it going.

Shredder shows up on the surface with the enlarger ray, but when it comes up from underground, it just so happens to have April hanging off the top of it which causes interference so Krang can start the ray. When it’s finally in position, Krang misses Shredder with the shot, but catches Irma who was just walking out of the ice cream shop.

It doesn’t happen immediately, but eventually the effects of the enlarger ray kick in and Irma starts to grow like whoa. She ends up busting a huge hole in the wall at the studio and then starts terrorizing the city just because she’s a complete klutz.She’s 50′ tall and has completely forgotten how to act or walk around New York. Common sense, bro.

Krang sends Shredder back to the surface to find another piece of that meteorite so he can use his ray for the purpose he had in mind and, because Irma has people scared for their lives, it should be an easy get since all the attention is on Irma.

The Turtles go on the hunt for the other piece of the meteorite hoping that they can use it to reverse the effects on Irma, but Shredder shows up with Bebop and Rocksteady and we get a squash match with Shredder and his mutants getting in zero offense. Bad news, Irma wakes up from a nap and is hungry. She heads to the city to find food, but the military shows up to destroy the huge menace that is Irma. But before anything can happen, the Turtles mix the antidote in with a shit ton of ice cream and Irma swallows it and returns to her normal form.

Everybody rejoices by having Irma’s birthday party as scheduled complete with like 20 different pizzas that Michelangelo made that all look identical.

Final Thoughts:

Completely worthless episode. Same old shit. New weapon. Unintended effects. Reverse polarity of said weapon to restore order. Shredder gets away with almost zero fight. I dunno. I guess as a kid you didn’t mind this kind of stuff, but with watching some cartoons that came about later over the past few years, I’m really disappointed with how this one has gone since the strong beginning.

I guess this is just a product of the era, maybe. It didn’t matter what the show did as long as it sold a fuck ton of toys which it most certainly did. Even as someone who wasn’t the biggest TMNT fan back then, I still wanted the toys desperately. They were great.

So short review today, just because there really wasn’t a lot going on. Tomorrow we get back on the horse.

❤ Joe