Welcome to a hump day cartoon episode recap! Now that we’ve gotten into the thick of this series with most (all?) of the intros behind us, we’re starting to see expansion of the characters and what makes them tick, so to speak.
Baki Hanma, our title character, has surprisingly been on the back burner for most of this as the writers have kept the focus, for the most part, on the group of five escaped death row inmates, using that time to build them up and present them as a massive threat.
For his part, Baki has mostly been talked about and mentioned as this legit teenage wunderkind, but although his reputation proceeds him, we haven’t seen much of what made him the winner of the last big tournament that was held in Tokyo. Finally, yesterday’s episode gave us a taste of what he is capable of, but when Yanagi had finally had enough, he was able to put Baki down rather easily.
I’d imagine that this is a pretty tough pill for Baki to swallow and today’s episode will pick up in the aftermath of that as Baki is just coming to the realization that he was defeated. All this and more on today’s exciting episode of Baki!
Season 1, Part 1, Episode 8: A Match Vs. A True Fight
Tokugawa is holding a powwow with all the good guys. You’ve got Baki, Doppo Orochi, Kaioh Retsu, Hanayama and Shibukawa all there (I didn’t even have to look up any of the names right then!) as Tokugawa is dressing them down about how porous their performances have been thus far.
Baki gets up to leave, but as he opens the door, standing there is Kaioh Dorian. Dorian has killed all of Tokugawa’s security and has now come to set the house on fire with this pail of gasoline that he was nice enough to bring with him and not spill as he was killing all of the security guys.
Surprising Dorian (and the rest of us) from behind, however is Katsumi Orochi who was seemingly killed by Dorian in an episode last week, but is now back on his feet with no scars. I wonder if he went to John Cena’s doctor.
(I was going to post a video to explain this reference, but since I cannot find what I’m looking for, there was a WWE angle in or around 2001 where John Cena was stabbed. When he returned to Smack!Down, Eddie Guerrero was all, “Hey, champ, happy you’re back and all, but you got fucking stabbed and I don’t see no scar!” Cena – and I’m not even fucking making this up – shrugged his shoulders and said, “Yeah, doctor hooked it up.” WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!)
Yeah. So Katsumi apparently goes to the same doctor as John Cena.
Oh, nevermind…after all that, they show Katsumi from a different angle and he’s got a bandage on his neck.
Katsumi kicks the pail of gasoline all over Dorian. He teases that he’s a better man and won’t set Dorian on fire as payback, but then he pulls the whole, “PSYCHE!” and throws that lighter and this dude setting him ablaze while all the other guys just stand around and watch Dorian fucking burn. Don’t even whip their dicks out to pee on him like our double main man Sikorsky would.
Dorian, of course, is not dead, nor does he show major burn damage which is strange because I saw my friend Moe go up in flames one night in like 2007 and he spent a few weeks in a burn unit.
Is today’s blog just going to be me working through traumatic memories? Goddammit, John Cena.
But Dorian is up and asks who’s next. Doppo steps up, wanting a piece, but Katsumi cuts him off saying that his master called dibs. In walks Kiyosumi Katou, a fighter who prefers to train in actual combat as opposed to in a dojo. Katou starts in on Dorian and chastises him for having cut off Doppo’s hand. To prove his point, Katou says that if Dorian’s not going to listen, he won’t be needing those ears and karate chops the man’s FUCKING EAR OFF!
I…I dunno, man. What the fuck? “If you’re not gonna listen, you won’t be needing those ears,” is a fucking dynamite line that I plan on inserting into my everyday vernacular, but I just don’t think I have it in me to start chopping people’s fucking ears off.
Dorian tries making a comeback and uses that special wire on both Katsumi and Katou, but when it looks as if he’s going to cut right through them both, Doppo, breaks it with a karate chop of his own and then preaches about the power of karate and not needing weapons.
All involved are shocked by Doppo’s display in breaking the wire that CHOPPED OFF HIS FUCKING HAND, but Dorian has another toy at his disposal. Something nobody would ever see coming because we are all normal, right thinking people who would never think of something so goddamn fucking absurd.
Dorian begins dry-heaving, trying to force up…something. All the guys around him think maybe he’s choking, but then he does it…he coughs up a MOTHERFUCKING GRENADE! Pulls the goddamn pin before anyone can even react and KABLOOEY! Explosions! Overpowering! Over the competition, I’m towering!
Cops come, fires are put out and everyone is missing. Everyone except Tokugawa who is unharmed, but when he woke up post-blast, he couldn’t find anyone. The police do not seem to be happy with his statement.
Dorian is shown cloaked in a blanket traipsing through downtown Tokyo alone and ducking into a seedy alley where he rips up a manhole cover before sliding underground. But this is not just normal underground. Dorian falls for what is sold like forever into a secret tunnel where he has a whole lair including bed and booze waiting for him. Just like a Ninja Turtle.
As he sits down and puts gauze over where his ear used to be, Katou walks in, having found him and wanting to finish things. Dorian completely blows him off saying that Katou is out of his league and not the one who will make him taste defeat.
Katou realizes real quick that Dorian ain’t lying as Dorian begins dipping his fists in grease and rolling them in broken glass strewn over the ground. He tells Katou to do the same if they’re going to settle this once and for all.
Katou, to his credit, gets them googly-eyes and wonders what the fuck he got himself into as we hit the credits.
Ya know, I like fighting stuff and over the years in movies and video games you come across a lot of wild shit that blows your mind. When the first MORTAL KOMBAT came out on Genesis, for instance, the fatalities were something that 12 year old me thought would never be topped. Like, holy shit, how did a human being even dream this into reality?
Sure, that has been expounded upon in the decades that have followed and limits have gotten pushed further, but a man doubling over and dry-heaving a grenade that he had swallowed just in case he was ever in a situation that may require it takes the whole fucking cake.
Like, give up.
THE MAN SWALLOWED A GRENADE FOR SAFE KEEPING JUST IN CASE HE EVER NEEDED IT!!!!
Goddamn, I don’t know if G.I. Joe ever used a fucking grenade against Cobra and those motherfuckers were international terrorists hellbent on world domination, but you’re telling me that a single man – ONE SINGLE MAN – thought that there may or may not come a time in his life where shit could really hit the fan so he better keep this grenade somewhere close just in case.
Where do we go from here? What the hell can possibly be more over the top than Dorian heaving a stored grenade? I can’t believe I just fucking saw this and now I can’t wait for more.
Until next time.