Welcome to the Thursday edition of the Daily Cartoon on Car JoeMez! Before we get started, here’s your daily reminder to check out the weekly shoe, The Car JoeMez Podcast, on iTunes, Soundcloud or wherever you get your podcasts. This week’s episode features Gomez and I discussing the music of our adolescence as well as completely shitting on the list of top fast food items put out by The Ringer. It’s probably one of my favorite episodes that we’ve done so, please, go give it a listen, leave a review, subscribe and share it with friends. Everything is better with friends.
Today’s show is Toxic Crusaders! I remember having seen this as a kid, but don’t remember it sticking around all that long. I kind of remember enjoying it, but it wasn’t even close to something I was all about. I’d remember it a lot better if I did. Apparently, it did reach some level of popularity as they were a bunch of licensed items from comic books, a board game, a toy line and even a video game for NES, GameBoy and Genesis. I don’t ever remember this being THAT popular to necessitate all of that.
Looking at the toys, there’s a lot to similarities to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles line. Which shouldn’t come as much of a surprise as both lines were made by Playmates around the same time.
I’m going to go out on a limb and assume the game is awful. I’m going to go out on an even further limb and say I’ll probably try hunting it down on eBay over the weekend.
The reason all this merchandising surprises me is that the series only produced 13 episodes and I genuinely don’t remember it being a big thing in the school yards as a kid seeing as how I was only 9-10 years old when this was aired. Maybe people just expected it to take off like another TMNT or something. I don’t know. Either way, I’m kind of excited to check this out and see if anything jogs my memory.
Quick little background on this: the main focus is Toxie, the ugly green sludge monster we see on the video games and in the center of anything promoting this who has superpowers and is a really nice guy under his horribly disfigured appearance. Toxie and friends do battle with the evil villains from the planet Smogula who want to do irreparable harm to the environment. Hmmm…maybe we should get Toxie to have a talk with that new president guy.
OK, so horribly disfigured mutants. Villains from the planet Smogula. Save the environment. Got it.
Let’s watch a cartoon.
Toxic Crusaders E.9: “Invasion of the Biddy Snatchers”
Originally Aired: April 27, 1991
We open with the Toxic Crusaders playing football in what appears to be the dump when Toxie’s Tromatons start tingling. Tromatons are basically this dude’s Spidey-Sense so that means evil must be near. At this point, a small sack drops onto his head where a small insect is nestled on the inside.
Cut to the planet of Smogula, where Czar Zosta, the head bad guy is demoting Dr. Killemoff (think Krang/Shredder type of relationship here) because of his inability to rid them of the Toxic Crusaders. In his place will be General GarBage who is this termite-looking motherfucker who grows to be a giant bug wearing traditional military garb. In the smaller state, he also looks exactly like the bug that just fell on Toxie’s head.
General GarBage explains his master plan to Dr. Killemoff and it…is…a…doozy. He’s going to drop a shit ton of tiny bugs all over the town of Tromaville, New Jersey (home to the Toxic Avengers) where they will bite little old ladies and become perfect clones of them, albeit with four arms. He thinks that nobody will suspect his old lady clones and he’ll easily be able to infiltrate the town and take it over for good.
As far as evil plans go for some of the shows we’ve been watching lately, this one is actually pretty solid.
The clones lock up all the original old biddies somewhere nobody would ever think to look: Tromaville City Hall while they start driving the residents out-of-town due to their nonstop nagging and complaining. This makes the town ripe for a Smogula invasion. Toxie, meanwhile, gets a super-duper Tromaton alert when someone mentions his Mom and he heads out to figure out what could be wrong.
Unfortunately for Toxie, he’s met by his imposter Mom on the way to her house where she informs him that him and the rest of the Toxic Crusaders are being deported to Siberia because they’re too ugly to live in Tromaville. Normally, I’d say we shouldn’t discriminate against those less good-looking, but, real talk: Tromaville is in New Jersey so c’mon, there’s really not a lot to work with there and people REALLY have no right to judge. Toxie heads to the dump to inform the rest of the Crusaders.
Dr. Killemoff, in lieu of being excited about the plan working, is up and arms. He’s desperate for General GarBage to fail so he can get his top spot back. Fuck, the politics that exist even when being a bad guy from Smogula aren’t much different from that of being an American senator.
The Crusaders board a ship bound for Siberia, but are surprised when it’s only a 10 minute trip. When they debark, they’re met by Dr. Killemoff who informs these idiots that they’re in Island City and not Siberia, but that he’ll also make a deal: defeat General GarBage’s clones and they can return to Tromaville. The Crusaders, obviously, are thrilled. In the immortal words of Bon Jovi, who says you can’t go home?
When the Crusaders return to Tromaville, they’re ambushed by the clone biddies. They refuse to fight back because – even though they’re imposters – they still don’t feel comfortable hitting old women. This is rectified by the real old biddies showing up en masse after a group jailbreak and laying out the fakers. They hit their finishing move of hitting them in the face with hair spray which transforms the clones back into the insects they began as.
General GarBage launches an attack with a bunch of Smogulan troops who are handled with ease by the Toxic Crusaders. Toxie even grabs a can of hairspray and hits General GarBage with a big spritz which shrinks him down to a tiny general. The bad guys retreat and Tromaville is once again saved by its lovable group of mutant superheroes.
This show is terrific! It’s completely in on the joke with how ridiculous the premise is and makes no secret of hiding it. It’s fun, it’s witty, it’s an all-around good time.
Seriously, go out of your way and track this down to give it a watch. It’s streaming on Amazon Prime right now which is how I watched, but there’s also a DVD collection out there. With only 13 episodes, it’s not even a real commitment so it’s perfect to knock out over a slow weekend.
Seriously had a good time with this show and glad I saw it sitting there on Amazon. Go watch and get back at me with your thoughts.
See you tomorrow.