Welcome to the beginning of the work week and, with that, a new episode of TMNT. I don’t have any announcements or anything today, so let’s just get right into today’s episode.
S.2,E.9: “Splinter No More”. Original Air Date: 11/26/1988
Michelangelo grabs some pizza for the boys and sushi for Splinter, but Splinter’s feeling kinda blue and doesn’t want to eat. Apparently, he’s been down for a while and the Turtles think it’s because he misses being human.
Donatello shows off a test tube that has what he says is the remainder of the mutagen that transformed them and thinks that, if he were able to get the right ph balance, he’d be able to turn Splinter back into Hamato Yoshi. Speaking of, even though he’s a rat, why can’t his name still be Hamato Yoshi? I dunno. I just feel that if Splinter and I had gone to high school together and years later he sent me a friend request, if it said “Splinter” instead of “Hamato Elizabeth” or whatever the fuck his middle name is now since that seems to be the thing, I’d probably deny that friend request. Actually, not true. I don’t deny them, I just let them sit there so people think I just don’t check that column.
Donatello mixes up this new mutagen into a Lysol can and sprays the fuck out of Splinter and, sure as shit, he is back to being Hamato Yoshi. The Turtles encourage him to go out and check out the city and he’s more than happy to. Once he leaves, however, the Turtles are worried he’ll never return.
April is doing a story at the Museum of…I don’t know, the Museum of Old Shit and catches Bebop and Rocksteady sneaking around. She FaceTimes the Turtles and gives them the 411. Shredder is there looking at books to help him open a dimensional portal anywhere he wants so he doesn’t have to depend on Krang anymore. How the fuck is this kind of information just sitting in a goddamn book and nobody but Shredder is looking to use it?
Meanwhile, Splinter’s walking around the park like a real old man because he doesn’t have any money to take a taxi. Now this brings up my next question. If Splinter doesn’t have any money, then it’s fair to assume the Turtles don’t have money. So how in the fuck are they constantly ordering pizza for dinner? Who’s paying for that shit? You know damn well there’s not a pizza place in NYC that would ever give anything for free. Fuck, if you were homeless and were on death’s door, they wouldn’t even let you take the crust crumbs off someone’s discarded paper dish. I guarantee the Turtles don’t have a fucking vault their dead parents left them filled with Galleons and Knuts. The Turtles don’t even have pockets. Where would they keep money even if they had it? And this is before ATMs and debit cards. Shit like this gets me all fired up.
So Splinter’s in the park alone and is about to get mugged by three assailants who can’t help but pick on an unarmed old man, but the muggers cower as they see the effects of the Lysol Mutagen wearing off and Splinter is beginning to transform back into a rat. Yeah, I’d fucking run off too. Especially when you see how poor he’s dressed. Probably wouldn’t have even been my target in the first place.
Shredder is back at the hideout and FaceTiming Krang to brag about his fancy book finds and saying he’s found the secret, abandoned subway station temple that makes this possible. Krang is like, “Go ahead, asshole, but don’t fuck up, ’cause there are dimension even worse than DX (Suck it!)”.
Shredder takes Bebop and Rocksteady underground to search for the temple. The Turtles have an idea what he’s after, but have to meet up with April to get a tape of her report on abandoned subway stations from last week. Splinter, meanwhile, is almost full rat and trying to escape to the sewers without being seen and doing a terrible job at it. Poor old boy has to duck into an alley to escape an angry mob.
Look at that face. Insert tear-drop emoji here.
Shredder calls Krang again to get him to send him some mutant brain-scrambler gizmo, but Krang is tight because Shredder is interrupting his shower. Which means we get this epic image on their FaceTime screen:
Shredder must have his device activated because the Turtles start having headaches and then attack each other. Finally April convinces them to chillax by asking them what Splinter would think. The whole situation does buy Shredder time to locate the Temple, though.He begins his incantation, but the Turtles but it up only momentarily due to Bebop and Rocksteady hitting them with stun guns from hidden positions. With them out of the way, Shredder begins his real spell, but is interrupted by Splinter who smelled incense once slipping back into the sewers.
An interdimensional portal is opened, but it’s not even close to the one Shredder was hoping for and it brings a cyclops, octopus beast with it. Shredder and crew escape and then the Turtles are able to get out just before the Temple collapses on itself due to the monster’s destructive force.
So they day has been saved. Splinter may no longer get to be a person, but he was able to save his homies in the clutch. All was well.
I really want to know why only Shredder can find these maps and shit in these books that seem to be readily available at your local library. I may go to mine over the weekend and see if I can find anything similar.
Pretty standard TMNT fare, otherwise with the added wrinkle of teasing Splinter with the Hamato Yoshi turn. He seems to be OK with it at the end, but I’m sure if he was in that park a bit longer and saw some chicks tanning all oiled up and shit, it wouldn’t be that easy.
Not a bad episode, but nothing that will jump out. Still waiting to see the follow-up on Baxter the Fly.
That wraps us up for today. Questions and concerns can be directed to Twitter: @CarJoeMez or @MaximusSexPower or email CarJoeMez@gmail.com.
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Thanks for reading and we’ll get it again tomorrow.