Welcome to today’s episode of the original TMNT series. If you’ve been reading along, you know that this show shows no regard for human life, but still manages to be exciting and fun which makes you question what kind of a human being you are for liking it. Welcome to Trump’s America, folks.
But we will politely ignore that fact moving forward because there’s still so much exciting action to get to today. I make notes as I’m watching these episodes, but once I start writing the recaps, I have a tendency to just rant. That’s why yesterday’s turned into the great scroll of TMNT. That being said, you people seemed to really like it based on the feedback I got, so if today’s turns out similar, don’t complain. You brought this upon yourselves.
So, with that being said…
S.1, E.4: “Hot Rodding Teenagers From Dimension X”. Original Airdate: 12/28/1987
We open in the friendly confines of the Technodrome where Krang is once again bitching about Shredder not building him his body. When he had a body he ruled the ever living shit out of Dimension X. Shredder hears “Dimension X” (from here on in shortened to “DX”) and the light bulb goes off that he should open up an interdimensional portal to DX (Suck it!) and bring back some cool weaponry that doesn’t yet exist on Earth so he can finally defeat the Turtles.
However, when Shredder opens the portal, three teenagers (The Neutrinos) in radical, flying cars come speeding out followed by a flying jeep piloted by some stone police officer men who seem like jerks. The Neutrinos blast their way out and head toward the streets of NY while Bebop and Rocksteady start firing at the stone men (General Traag and Granitor) until Shredder is able to deduce that these guys actually serve Krang back home on DX (Suck it!).
We cut to the Turtles and April who have remodeled Baxter Stockman’s shaggin’ van into some high-tech operation with radar and weapons and all sorts of fancy-schmanzy gadgets. Thus, we have the Turtle Van. Which is actually what my DVD set is packaged inside of!
Yup, pretty fricking sweet, if I do say so myself. And I do. Say so myself, that is.
Oh, yeah, the show. Right. OK, so here’s a question: if Donatello is so fucking smart that he can technologically trick out your basic pedophile van into a surveillance and defense fortress over the course of what seems to be a few days max, then why doesn’t he just spend his time in a lab trying to figure out the formula to Shredder’s mutagen that way they can turn Splinter back into Hamato Yoshi instead?! I mean, that’s the whole crux of this show so far is turning him back into a human, so why not do it peacefully without destroying NYC and killing its citizens? But what do I know? I’ve never had a van.
So the Turtles build their van. As they’re finishing up, the see the Neutrinos come flying out of a subway station and immediately go into chase mode because nothing positive ever comes out of a subway station.
Back in the Technodrome, the stone men come into contact with Krang who feels like a jerk because he still doesn’t have a body and wanted to impress his friends. Krang berates Shredder for letting the Neutrinos come through the portal because they’re horrible kids who like having fun and hate war. Shredder feels kinda sheepish about the whole thing so he gives General Traag and Granitor a vehicle so they can see the sights as they chase the Neutrinos.
The Turtles eventually catch up to the kids and become fast friends once they realize they’re just being radical and not working for Shredder. The go out for pizza and play games and shit and it’s all a real gas until THERE’S A FUCKING MISSILE ATTACK ON THE PIZZA PLACE!
God only knows how many people are killed this time around, as the stone warriors level the building, but the Turtles and Neutrinos are able to escape in their respective vehicles and a short battle ensues where the Turtles send the Stone Warriors packing, but not before they release some weather changer satellite doohickey which is gonna fuck shit up.
The Turtles and Neutrinos head back underground to meet with Splinter and the kids explain how Krang got banished from DX (Suck it!) and now he’s just a brain without a body. Splinter is worried about Shredder being able to bring all sorts of warriors and weapons over from DX (Suck it!) and they realize they gotta close that portal with the quickness.
They head out to attack the Technodrome and find it’s now snowing in June. A new battle breaks out the second they arrive and they’re able to destroy the Foot Robots handily as well as send Traag and Granitor back through the portal to DX (Suck it!). The Neutrinos take this opportunity to head home to DX (Suck it!), but not before they give one of their flying cars to the Turtles as a thank you for being a friend. Travel from DX (Suck it!) and back again. Their hearts are true. They are pals and confidants.
The Turtles rush back to the surface to destroy the weather satellite and now NY is back to having muggy, June weather. Shredder finally agrees to build Krang his body in hopes that he can destroy the Turtles himself. And our heroes head home where April reads them a bedtime story before getting a good night’s rest before the battle continues tomorrow.
My first thought was that the title of this episode is way too fucking long. Besides that, I thought I was going to absolutely hate the Neutrinos, but they were fine in a limited role and then went back to DX (Suck it!) before I could really get sick of them so chalk one up for good writing.
The tension between Shredder and Krang is reaching a boiling point and Shredder now has no choice but to build the body he’s promised. He’s failed way too much to get away with not doing it much longer.
The episodic storytelling still impresses me because it’s just something I never remembered nor expected from this series. So, through, four episodes, I’ve really liked what I’ve seen. Tomorrow is episode five which is actually the final episode of season one. So I will be back with what I’m sure will be a devil of a cliffhanger. Let’s seem how many innocent people get killed in the finale!